I suppose I should accept the fact that my posts will be further apart than I originally anticipated. This time, rather than being busy with a book I was busy with one of my children. She is really struggling, hence, I'm really struggling.
I do not know how a mother can have a child in pain and not be in pain herself. I know the separation is important. I also know the connection is important, too. It is how children remain cared for, by a mother who feels the weight of the matter. It has been weighing me down though, too much so I'm afraid.
Pain is a tricky thing to manage. Some current situation that causes pain almost always seems to be connected to past situations, too. Next thing you know, the pain grows exponentially. Especially with a child. There is pain, and there are painful questions.
How can I help? What could I have done differently? What can I do differently now? Why do I feel so powerless? How can I maintain a certain quality of mothering for my other children as I go off to help "the one?" How can pain run so deep? How can I get past it?
I have said it before and will likely say it again. Suffering from my own pain in my life has been extremely difficult. Suffering from my children's pain has been incomprehensible. The love I have for them makes me so vulnerable. But that is part of being a mother, I suppose.
I certainly know much better how our Heavenly Parents feel about us, especially when we suffer and struggle and even go astray. Like the story of the Prodigal Son. The father sees his son returning from afar off and is so excited. He doesn't even know whether or not the son is coming back to stay or just dropping by for a visit. It doesn't matter. He just loves him, even though and especially because he felt such pain when his son left.
I guess love and pain go hand in hand.
I like love a lot better.